Summer and Celebrations

Hello - hope all of the grieving people and those supporting them are enjoying summer which has finally arrived.

Summer brings picnics, 4th of July celebrations, weddings, birthdays, graduations and other events up on our calendars. While all are potentially exciting for grieving people these gatherings can be difficult too.

Attending a family gathering without your loved one who has died can be very triggering . It’s a sad reminder that this is the first, second, third … sixth, 11th, or 20th year of their absence by your side.

Depending on how long the loss has been there will be people who will not be in touch with what you are experiencing as you remember past events with your loved at former celebrations.

There is always the feeling of the missing place at the table.

The sad realization is that life goes on and people move on also. There may be little memory of your past losses and if there is people may be reticent to bring up your loss or your loved one. This may be because they mistakenly believe that by mentioning your loved one it may make you sad, or upset. If they only knew what music to your ears it would be that they remember your loved one, mention them by name and share a memory or validate that you may be sad, emotional and missing that person. This sharing and acknowledgment would help you to feel accepted and affirmed in your feelings and so happy that someone remembered your loved one.

They don’t realize that you remember, you live your life thinking about your loved one everyday! Their mentioning their name is not going to send you into grief or remembering your deceased person - you think of them everyday!

So if you are faced with events that may bring forth sadness you have choices.

-You can choose to politely decline the invitation.

-You can go for three hours instead of six.

-You can choose to share your feelings with others and invite them to share their memories of your loved one.

Being honest of where you are at, what you are feeling may help others understand that grief is hard work, and there is no end to it.

Being authentic about what you are experiencing will educate others and help them when they are grieving. You’ve set an example and have given them permission to grieve openly too. In our grief phobic culture that’s a profound thing.

In conclusion, follow your heart. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings, and to make the choices that support you in your grief journey.

Peace.

Mauri